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SUBJECTS OF CONVERSATION THAT MAY HELP YOU TO UNDERSTAND YOUR PARTNER BETTER

Here are some suggestions for general subjects of conversation that may help you lead on to more precise issues without shocking your partner:
The notion of original sin, the basic religious principle in sexual matters, has been poisoning the sex lives of men and women since Adam and Eve. Is it a sin to make love?
Is it reprehensible to seek pleasure for pleasure's sake? For those who believe in a creator, did He really mean pleasure to be only a kind of compensation for an act whose sole purpose is to reproduce - or indeed an incentive to reproduce?
Can women really be divided into two categories, the whores and the "honest women"? Surely that is too dualistic; there are all shades between the two. Among prostitutes there are those who turn ten tricks a night in a brothel, those who work for a pimp and weekenders who do it for pin money. Among the "honest women" there are those who marry for money, others who have a day-time lover while their husband is at the office.
When one loves someone, is one seeking in them the same qualities one possesses oneself, or precisely the qualities one lacks? Or does one accept the other as they are?
Why do women attach so much importance to their virginity? Does this not very often prevent them from fully enjoying their first sexual experiences?
Don't they see their first relations with a man as a kind of "rape by consent"?
Since the seventies there has been much talk of a "sexual revolution". Has there really been a revolution or only superficial changes?
Men and women see rape differently. A man would never complain of having been raped; men even tend to say it is a shame it doesn't happen all the time!
Rape is, and should be, severely punished. But surely it should be punished not for its sexual aspect but as a form of coercion, an infringement of individual freedom? And what about "conjugal rape"? The great religions do not recognize conjugal rape, which contradicts the notion of conjugal duty.
Men and women arc more or less introvert or extrovert according to their nature. Which is better: to tell all or to hide all? What are the foreseeable consequences in each case?
Egoism plays a predominant part in what we call love. When we say "I love you", the unconscious, underlying thought is "I would like you to love me". To love is an active verb, it ought to express the desire to do something to someone, not the reverse.
These are just a few examples. You should be prepared to discuss them freely, frankly and without false modesty.
The end purpose of these conversations is obvious: sex is an important part of our lives, and it remains so for many years. It is natural and desirable to talk about it. One can never talk about it too much. And anyone who says you are obsessed with sex because you talk about it is someone to be avoided.
Of everything I have said above, the most important points to remember are these:
To find out all you can about sex is a positive step. You must want to look at everything connected with sexuality. This does not mean you will necessarily want to put into practice everything you learn about. It means you want to free yourself from ignorance. If one does not know about a thing, one cannot form an opinion about it - only a preconceived idea. And preconceived ideas are often wrong ideas.
Complete knowledge about sex will not only be of immediate practical value in your sex life. It will also reveal to you unusual possibilities you would not have thought of on your own. Some you may consider perverted (and perhaps they arc so). But knowing about them will change your initial judgment. You will ask yourself questions. You will wonder where normality ends and perversion begins. Your answers will no doubt vary with time and circumstances, and also as you take account of your partner's desires and fantasies. Knowing what other people do in their sex lives, even a minority of "other people", will help you develop your own sex life more freely, without guilt. This development is necessary; otherwise love very soon becomes a mechanical routine and loses much of its interest.
Finding out about sexuality must be a joint project for the couple. It is important for both to be at the same level in both knowledge and practice. Nothing weakens a couple more than the habit many men adopt of reading sex books or magazines in secret, or going on their own to see erotic or pornographic films.
Making love is not enough. One must also talk about it, often, going right to the bottom of things. This is the best way of making oneself understood, smoothing out differences of opinion, reassessing judgments, and adapting one's behaviour to one's partner's needs and desires.
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EPILEPSY AND PREGNANCY

Women with epilepsy are quite often concerned about getting pregnant. There appear to be five reasons for this concern. They wish to know:
if they are likely to hand their epilepsy on to their children;
whether their fits will get worse during pregnancy;
whether it is safe for the baby that the mother should take anticonvulsants drugs during pregnancy;
if there will be any problems in the newborn baby from these drugs;
if they can safely breast feed the baby.
With regard to handing on epilepsy to one’s children – as mentioned earlier, if one parent has epilepsy, the chances of one of the children having epilepsy are no greater than in the population at large. If both parents have epilepsy, it would appear that the risk of a child having epilepsy is about 10 per cent. So in fact the chance of a child inheriting epilepsy, particularly idiopathic epilepsy, is negligible.
As far as seizures during pregnancy are concerned, the situation is not as clear as it might be. There is evidence that for some women, seizure control may deteriorate, while for others there may in fact be no change or even an improvement. A patient told me recently that “she would like to remain pregnant forever” as she had not had a single fit during her pregnancy, compared with six fits in the preceding nine months!
As a general working rule, it is suggested that people who have more than one grand mal fit a month are those who are most likely to have a deterioration in seizure control during pregnancy. The deterioration, if it occurs, is most likely during the first three months of pregnancy. There are a number of theories why this may happen, but none has been proved. It may be of value to check the blood anticonvulsant levels during pregnancy, especially if there is a deterioration in seizure control. The blood levels may fall, necessitating an increase in dosage during the pregnancy.
The main concern for parents is whether the anticonvulsants can harm the unborn baby (foetus). It is known by most people with epilepsy that this is a potential hazard. The effects include physical abnormalities in the baby, a process known as teratogenesis. Abnormalities have been reported in the offspring of mothers on all the commonly used anticonvulsants with the exception of carbamazepine. This is particularly applicable to phenytoin, barbiturates and sodium valproate. Babies born to mothers who have been on carbamazepine have not been shown to have any physical abnormalities, but have a smaller head size than other babies. This has not been shown to be any handicap to the babies who have been followed up for five years.
The risk of abnormalities in the baby is difficult to assess, but it seems to be most common in mothers on polytherapy (receiving numerous drugs), especially if they are on three or more anticonvulsants. The risk in mothers on phenytoin, with or without other medications, appears to be about a 10% chance of the baby showing features of the ‘foetal hydantoin’ syndrome. This syndrome consists of cleft palate, abnormalities of the fingers, possible heart abnormalities and mild mental retardation. Thus, at present, if it is possible, it would seem wise to try to change patients over to carbamazepine before conception. This may not be possible in all patients and, of course, many women will first visit their doctor when already pregnant, at which time there is no purpose in making the change.
Anticonvulsants taken by the mother during pregnancy may have some effects on the baby immediately after birth, as they are transmitted to the baby across the placenta. These include the possibility of a mild bleeding tendency and some drowsiness. In mothers who have been taking barbiturates, the infant may occasionally show features of a withdrawal reaction with irritability, jitteriness and poor sucking. None of these features is [...]

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